So far, because

Hi,

So so far on this blog Ive posted poem versions of my thoughts, and I am sure there will be more, but I thought it was time to put a little more down on 'paper'.
I have found it hugely beneficial to write, or rather type the thoughts Ive had over the last few months. Sometimes we have so much going on within our minds and there never seems to be the right time to bring it up, or for whatever reason you (I) don't want to. This is where I have found writing my own thoughts a release, a chance to shout, scream, cry, ask questions, accept, reflect and much more. Please don't be mistaken the poems are not that good. But I have valued the experience and the process I have taken to put them together.

That being said I took no more than two hours on each of the three posted so far. They have come following intense moments of thought and feeling and so I have chosen to commit those thoughts to paper / screen at that moment in time, without over thinking does this sound right, should that go there. Because in truth when I am writing it is for me, not for someone else to read.

Then why post them you may ask. Well, for most of my life I have been introverted. I have kept things to myself and guarded against giving too much of myself away, or opening up too much to someone. That was until I met a particular person to whom I told and shared everything. Most of the time is was easy, sometimes it was difficult. But it was great to just share unreservedly.

Unfortunately after eight years that person has now left my life, and that lead to some less than pleasant thoughts and moments. It was in one of those moments that I started to note down my thoughts.
I now recognise the change that happened when I spoke about my thoughts to someone else and I do not want to lose that. So here we are in some strange in-between world. Where I kind of tell someone who is not here, what I am thinking and feeling.

Now there's just one

First there was two, now there's just one. 

I still can't believe, it's I, not we. 

You where my everything, and I became your nothing. 

When I look back, I see love and now loss. What is it that you see? Is it love or loss? Is it habit or regret? Is it anything or is it nothing?

Could I have done more, said more, been more?

When was the time that you decided you where you, and we where through?

There are so many questions now we've parted. 

I only hope that you are happy and healthy. That when you think of us you are able to remember the good times, because there will never be any hate. 

Eight years of love, with a best friend and a mate. Over far too soon, so it's hard not to loom. 

To Make, To Forsake

Today is a new day

Today is a new chance

Which change will I make

Which change will I forsake 

Opportunities come

Opportunities go

Which change will I make

Which change will I forsake 

The waves of sunlight 

The chills of the snowflake

Which change will I make

Which change will I forsake 

The voyage of adventure

The stability of the familiar

Which change will I make

Which change will I forsake 

The one that you want

The one that you need

Which change will I make

Which change will I forsake 

In the end what am I 

I am the choices I made

I am the choices I forsake

Should I make the choices, my heart wants me to make

These are my changes, my choices and they are all mine to... 

When we were we.

It used to be us and we.

Now it's just I, and me.

When we were together I felt complete.

But now you've hit the ejection seat. 

I'm broken hearted that you've departed. 

I only hope that you can cope,

Better than me, when you remember...

When we were us, when we were we.